I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
