I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
