How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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