he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
