You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pants are for mortals
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
