So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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