I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
