Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
