Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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