I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
