I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
