If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
