Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
tell me about the eggs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
