you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
