I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
