who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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