There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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