In the future we'll all be gay
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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