She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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