We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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