3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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