did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
