so explain again why im purple
no
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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