I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sobbing to NWA
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
