it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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