i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
