Kiss
Puke
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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