if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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