he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
