my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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