Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
