You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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