well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
