i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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