we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
