Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
