You really coming over, don't trick.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
