she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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