I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
