The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
