The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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