so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
