If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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