after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
