so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
