Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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