I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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