I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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