so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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