I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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