No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
