One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
