he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
