Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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