My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
