You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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