haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
