when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
