Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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