this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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