so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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