There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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