my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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