I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
