Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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