someone owes me an orgasm
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
