your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
