My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize